I know full well that I am just plain messed up. I know I need more reassurance than most women. I'm not one of those strong independent women who can stand on their own and don't need others approval to go on in life. In fact, I am the complete opposite. Which is kind of sad, I know. But really, I've felt so unloved, uncared about, so worthless, unneeded, useless, (blah blah blah), my whole life. And when I make myself vulnerable, by completely opening up and inviting someone to be a part of my life, I get so scared. I just need to know, from time to time, that they still care. And to hear those three words, I love you... well, that doesn't hurt either.
But I acknowledge the fact that I am more needy than most women. Maybe because of my history with relationships in general? Probably. It just terrifies me to think that the person will leave me. Abandon me. And I'm not talking about just any person here. I am talking about when I really open up my heart to love someone, and I give them all I have to offer, when I love them unconditionally- its then that I let my insecurities get the best of me. It doesn't seem to take much to make me doubt everything about myself. About the relationship. About everything in my life. It's so easy to go back to feeling no self worth when that is really all you've ever known.