Wednesday, May 23, 2012


A while back, I tried to go to therapy. But I wasn't comfortable with my therapist and I didn't feel like it was going to help. Or maybe I just wasn't ready for it. I don't know.

About two and a half months ago I acknowleged that if I really wanted to help myself, I needed to go to therapy. My psychiatrist referred me to one, and I started going just a couple days later. I am so happy I did. It has been so helpful. My therapist is really nice, and towards the end of my first session with her she helped me with a list of goals; things I wanted to accomplish in therapy.

She's helping me with my overwhelming guilt over past mistakes, my self esteem, and trying to identify triggers that may send me into a manic or depressive episode.

One of the things she told me was that I needed to take at least 10 minutes a day to do something I love. That advice got me to start drawing and painting again. It had been years since I had done any drawing. I forgot how much I really loved it. She also recommended making up a schedule. That helps too, because when I can check something off of my list of things to do, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

So far, I think its going quite well. I am hoping going to therapy will really help me. I need it to.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


It's been a long time since I've posted, and so much has happened since then. A close friend of ours passed away, a week after being rushed to the hospital for a torn aorta. Then the man who is like a father to me, he fell and broke his hip. And because of his blood count being so low, and his bad heart, they had to wait almost 2 weeks before doing surgery. I was so worried he wouldn't make it through the surgery, but everything went well and he's okay.

Through all of that, I was on the mood stabalizer Saphris, and no anti-depressant. Just 5 mg once at night. But it made me so irritable and negative. Everything agitated me. I was constantly snapping at everyone. I had to stop taking it after a month and a half.

Then I went for several doctor appointments and 3 blood tests, to see if they could help figure out what is wrong with me. (Physically, that is.) And unfortunately, five days ago the endocrinologist told me I have Type 2 Diabetes. I felt so upset and hopeless for the first three days following that. It was just another thing to add to the growing list of things that are wrong with me. I very quickly became discouraged and depressed. I'm tired of feeling so miserable and physically ill, and more often than not I just want to end my misery. I'm coping a little better today, and I'm trying to make the most of it. But its not easy at all.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday, and I will be taking Lamictal starting next week. Since I just started taking Metformin to help regulate my blood glucose levels, and will be doubling my dose in two days, we figured it best to wait a week before starting another prescription. I just hope that this one works. I'm so tired of trying new meds every couple months.