Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Let's rethink this

So, I've always wanted kids. I love children. But, recently I had decided to put that off seeing as how I should really focus on my mental health first before even thinking about getting pregnant. And, of course, I don't really think I should bring a child into this world knowing that there is a good possibility that I pass my issues on to them. Well, yesterday, I was reminded of yet another reason why I may not want children.

Yesterday I was subjected to my 8 year old nephew who has ADHD. The day started off okay. Then came the hour I needed to watch him for his mother, while she was in a consult with a doctor. An hour with him in a waiting room full of people. Oh, and by the way, he is not currently on any medications for his ADHD.

I don't even know how to describe the hell I went through, trying to keep him under control and getting him to do his school work while trying not to lose my cool. As I've mentioned, I've been hypomanic. I have like no patience for anything at all, and I get very irritable and frustrated easily. I swear I wanted to kill the child at one point. And I would've smacked him on the rear if I knew it wouldn't have caused even more of a scene. I really did not want any more attention drawn to us. It was bad enough that everyone on our side of the waiting room kept staring. And I am sure others were too. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone.

In that hour, he managed to piss me off, aggravate others, disrupt the peace in the waiting room, and only got one math sheet done. His mother came out of the consult, and I just looked at her. I didn't even really have to say anything to her. She just knew.

I was hoping that with her around again he'd start to behave a little better. Because he is usually not that bad. But of course not. He was acting terrible, running his mouth at every opportunity he could. By the time we finally made our way back from running around, several hours later, we had all had enough. So, it made me feel a little better that it wasn't just me who felt that way.

Either way, I thought about it, and I really couldn't handle a child like that. Not with my extreme mood swings and what not. I must say, watching him was great birth control. And the way I see it, that is saving me a lot of money. Because I know kids are not cheap. Not to mention the amounts of meds and the therapy I'd have to be in to handle having children and not end up killing them.

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