Friday, April 29, 2011


Less than a month away, I will officially be a year older. Thinking about that makes me sad. And it's not just because I am getting older. I am sad because I have allowed yet another year of my life to just pass me by. I've done nothing with my life so far. Nothing important at least. It seems my life here on this earth has been a waste.
The other day a friend of mine asked me what my dreams for my life are. You know, I don't really have any specific dreams. I've become so weighed down with my health problems, my issues and my past that I have forgotten to really live. And the sad part is that I am not even sure I know how to really live. How to dream. How to have hope. It all seems so foreign to me sometimes.
I envy those happy people with their happy lives. Why is it so hard for me to be happy? It doesn't seem fair. But then again, perhaps this is the life I deserve after all. It just sucks, and it is hard for me to accept such a bleak future. I want so much more.

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