Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Feeling good

Yesterday I was pretty depressed. I slept all morning and I stayed at home to avoid socializing with friends of mine. I felt miserable overall.

But today I am the complete opposite. It feels good, because I've been so depressed for months now... but it's scary too. Because this isn't just a good mood. I almost feel high. I have racing thoughts, and I can't seem to stop talking. And while I am talking, I keep switching subjects. I was talking to my love and he let me know when I changed topics drastically, which seemed to be every few sentences or so.

Also, I went out with a friend this afternoon, and we went shopping. Shopping sprees are one of the indiscretions I get involved in while hypomanic. We went to my favorite clothing store... and it was just a recipe for disaster. I ended up buying clothes I could not afford. In fact, $168 worth. It felt so good to shop and try clothes on. And when I bought them, I sure as hell wasn't thinking it was a bad idea. In fact, I am pretty sure I wasn't thinking about anything besides that I wanted those clothes. Even now, I know we have NO money, but I really don't care, and I don't feel bad about spending. That's not like me, to spend so much on myself and not care.

I'm not sure what tomorrow holds for me. I don't know what to expect. I don't want to go back into depression, but I don't wanna be hypomanic either. Because the chances of me becoming hypersexual are way to high. And I really do not want to do anything stupid or foolish again. I live with enough regret and guilt from past indiscretions while hypomanic. I don't want any more.

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