Decisions

"Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world. If things aren’t going well in your outer life, it’s because things aren’t going well in your inner life. It’s that simple."

~  T. Harv Eker

I've been thinking so much lately. Where did all my happiness go? My positive outlook? The simple joys and pleasures in life? It seems like I am nothing but a shell of the person I used to be. I barely even smile anymore. I don't enjoy my every day life. My thoughts are usually consumed by the never-ending aches and pains I feel. Not to mention the feeling that my life has become pointless, that it has no more meaning. I don't go to school. I don't work. I don't volunteer my time teaching anymore. I usually stay home and rest, because the physical pain I am in makes it difficult to do things I need to get done, like cleaning. And the mental exhaustion and emotional pain I feel makes me feel so unmotivated to do anything. I don't even do the things I used to enjoy doing anymore.

And on top of that, I feel so lost. I know what I want. I know what I need. The problem is, sometimes they seem like very different things. I guess I am just scared. I am seriously doubting my purpose in life, I feel inadequate in so many aspects, and I never feel "good enough" for anything or anyone. I know I need to do something. Anything. Because sitting here, watching the world pass me by, is doing nothing but making me feel more down. Why does my life, and the road to happiness, seem so complicated? I just don't know what to do.