Medication updates

So, four weeks ago (a day after my psychiatrist had increased my Lithium and decreased my Cymbalta) my primary doctor put me on Metformin. Basically, it is a medication usually given to people who have type 2 diabetes. I do not have diabetes, but I have PCOS and therefore, high blood sugar. The medicine is supposed to help control the amount of glucose (sugar) in my blood, decrease the amount of glucose I absorb from my food and the amount of glucose made by my liver, as well as increase my body's response to insulin.

Well, my doctor mentioned ever so briefly that I should watch my diet and eat healthy. She really could have been more specific. Like, for instance, she could have specified that I really need to limit the starches I eat. That would have been helpful. See, for at least 2 weeks I was so unbelievably sick. Felt sick to my stomach, intestinal issues, headaches... in short, I felt like crap. If I ate, I felt sick. If I didn't eat, I felt sick. Then finally my sister in law, who is an EMT, told me to avoid starches. It's amazing how much of a difference that made. I mean, I was eating healthy, but I was still eating starches too.

Turns out, that there are a lot of starchy foods that I would normally eat. Bread, pasta, rice, cereal, potatoes, corn, to name a few. It took a few days after cutting almost all starches out until I started to feel better, but I am so glad it worked. I feel a ton better! I just hope that this medicine does its job.

And thankfully, the Lithium seems to be doing its job quite well. I am no longer hypomanic. And I haven't gone into depression again. I have, though, been kind of irritable and my patience seems to be running short, but I could think of a reason or two why that might be, which I won't even get into. But anyways, despite that, I actually feel kind of "normal", if there even is such a thing. And it feels great to just feel relatively happy. I haven't felt like this in so very long. I like it. But I know it will not last forever. I know sooner or later I will go towards an extreme, either high or low. It's inevitable. I just hope it is later than sooner...

Medications

At what point do the benefits of medication outweigh the side effects? I wonder sometimes. In the past 4 years or so, I've had my medications changed several times. Some worked for a while, others, not so much. Some gave me terrible side effects, and that made it necessary to go off of them.

A few months ago, I was taken off of Abilify because of intolerable side effects. But I was kept on an anti-depressant. Then they changed my anti-depressant because it wasn't working. Well, the new one alone hasn't been working, so he decided to put me on another mood stabilizer, Lithium. Now, I know that many have taken this medication and it has helped them. I've been on it for 5 days only, so I haven't seen any change yet. But I must say, after reading all the warnings, drug interactions, and side effects, I am scared! I hate change. I hate taking new medications, no matter what it is. And after reading all of that, it make me even more afraid. Which may sound silly to some people, but, I have enough health problems as it is, I don't really need any medications causing more.

I know the anti-depressants and mood stabilizers are an important part of helping me not go off the deep end. And seeing as how I try so hard to be "normal", I keep on trying the medications my psychiatrist puts me on. It's sad though. Its almost like in the back of my head, I wish one of them would be a cure-all, magical pill. Like suddenly I won't have to deal with 'all of this' anymore. Even though I know that is not possible. I know I will deal with this crap for as long as I am alive.

I've been deeply depressed for long enough now. It is so very tiring- mentally, emotionally, and physically. I hope the Lithium helps the anti-depressant work better. And soon. I don't know how much more I can handle of this. I want so badly to just be normal. To be "in control". And, it'd be nice if certain people (like my mom for instance) could really understand what it is I go through, every day. Because "normal" people - while some try to sympathize, they can't fully understand or comprehend what those with bipolar disorder experience.